Self-judgement is a universal human experience. It’s not that you need to judge yourself or have self-judgement, just know that this is a very powerful aspect of ourselves just like fear is inbuilt into our evolution, self-judgement is a universal human experience that can be useful. However, when it’s used in the way where self-judgement becomes part of your meditation, or part of your thinking, or part of your feeling, then it’s not really helpful.
This means that if you are focusing on judgement in your meditation, such as asking yourself if you are doing this right, or are you concentrating in the right way, or are you coming back to your wholeness, or are you coming back to a movement within the meditation that helps you to flow, or are you just stuck?
When you begin to think in this way, the judging mind may be excited and will disguise itself in all sorts of aspects that you are discovering in your meditation. Thus, self-judgement isn’t as obvious as a black-and-white scenario, where you are really judging yourself in a negative way, as very often it’s disguised within your meditation. When this happens, you can find yourself focusing on negative questions, which really imply that you are not flowing in a positive way.
For example, when you’re asking yourself if you are whole, or doing things right, or are you really meditating, then all these questions very often come from self-judgement. This judging mind may disguise itself as an objective observer, or as that spiritual energy or coach in the background, that is helping you to move forward to some internalized ideal, but actually, meditation is not about creating ideals.
If ideals are what is creating the momentum in your meditation then you are again falling into an inner sabotage programme, that the mind is so very clever at creating on so many levels.
You see, the judging mind can hide and just like a virus can hide behind all sorts of interesting scenarios.
This is why meditation requires a little bit of time, and a little bit of patience, but a lot of focus.